how to screw up your life (parts 1 and 2)






hey... i make porn... cool , huh ?

-- Hey kids , it's tommy lee here. Before the lesson starts I just want to congratulate my ex-wife pam on removing the only chances she had at fame. Thanks for the memories. So anyway , on with the program.




There's only 2 real ways to fuck up your life in such a bad way that it can't be mended.


1. MAKE A PORNO WITH YOUR NOW EX-WIFE AND SELL THE RIGHTS

I did this , and look at me now. Still a bad drummer , but now I've got millions of dollars , a famous cock and nobody who loves me. Fabulous , isn't it ?


2. BECOME A POLITICIAN. PERIOD.

Although I'm not personally familiar with this , my good friend Billy is (*hint hint*). He let some slumming ho suck on his shlong and then lied about it. What a dork. I let some slumming ho suck my shlong , and I videotaped the whole thing. It was great. Anyway , he is now a failing politician who never gets taken seriously , and his wife will one day kill him in his sleep. Sucks to be him.



Well , that about does it. I hope you enjoyed learning what to do or not do to screw up your life.